


I Wish I Could Say That Was the Last Time

by haloburns



Series: 177(6) Extras [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 177(6) verse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Maria had a shitty last life, Multi, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Verbal Abuse, also, this is vv emo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 01:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7665076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haloburns/pseuds/haloburns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A seemingly harmless argument between Alex and John accidentally triggers some of her worst memories, all in Technicolor Detail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish I Could Say That Was the Last Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashilrak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashilrak/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Yes We Get It, You're A Patriot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7160525) by [ashilrak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashilrak/pseuds/ashilrak). 
  * Inspired by [Catching Icarus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7232746) by [Nocturnal_Leanings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocturnal_Leanings/pseuds/Nocturnal_Leanings). 



> 177(6) verse fic. Reincarnation is normal.
> 
> Alexander Hamilton = Alexander Miller = adotfightme  
> John Laurens = Jonathan Lawrence = Jdotlaw  
> Lafayette = Paul Motier = lagayette  
> Hercules Mulligan = Hercules Mueller = tailorsoldierspy  
> James Madison = James Mercury = mamjer  
> Aaron Burr = Aaron Alston = colderthancold  
> Angelica Schuyler = Angel Skylar = angelsky  
> Elizabeth "Eliza" Hamilton nee Schuyler = Elizabeth "Lizzie" Skylar = morelikedamnilton  
> Maria Reynolds = Maria Nelson = elamistress  
> Theodosia Prevost Burr = Theodora "Dori" Bercer = doriber  
> Thomas Jefferson = Thomas Jemmings = tomjemmings  
> Margarita "Peggy" Schuyler = Margaret "Peggy" Skylar = shotshotshot

Morelikedamnilton: why is maria not in bed w any of us

Colderthancold: well you see

Lagayette: stay out of this burr, eliza should be told by @jdotlaw and @adotfightme

Morelikedamnilton: ...okay so wtf happened and where is she? she isnt answering her phohne and she walys answers me

Tailorsoldierspy: she wentt to her hiding spot alst night

Tomjemmings: ur boyfriends fucked up

Morelikedamnilton: with what this time??

Doriber: they upset maria but no one really knows why?? she kinda just up and left

Jdotlaw: well

Jdotlaw: alex and i fought a little over something silly

Jdotlaw: and i guess maria is sensitive to arguments??

Adotfightme: she ignored john and i all night

Morelikedamnilton: u figure out how to fix this whilei  try to find her

* * *

**Morelikedamnilton** started new chat

 **Morelikedamnilton** renamed chat Find Maria ASAP

 **Morelikedamnilton** has added **tailorsoldierspy, mamjer, tomjemmings, colderthancold, doriburr, lagayette, shotshotshot, jdotlaw, adotfightme** and **angelsky** to Find Maria ASAP

Mamjer: what’s going on??

Morelikedamnilton: john and aelx fucked up last night and maria is hiding bcshes upset

Angelsky: why didnt she come back to u

Morelikedamnilton: i guess she needed to be alone

Morelikedamnilton: i mean alex did the same maria is just much quieter abt it

Tomjemmings: @tailorsoldierspy and i will go look in her usual hiding spot

Morelikedamnilton: ok good @jdotlaw you and @adotfightme go and check her class room building she usually likes hanging out there

Morelikedamnilton: @angelsky and @shotshotshot you all go check our building maybe she stayed w someone else

Lagayette: she’s not w us mon ami but george and i will look

Jdotlaw: we’ll find her lizzie

Morelikedamnilton: ik but in what shape??

* * *

Elamistress: hey

Morelikedamnilton: bb where r u??

Elamistress: im hiding

Morelikedamnilton: ik that love but where

Elamistress: yknow that really cool hiding spot in the law building

Morelikedamnilton: i’ll be right there

Elamistress: bring more blankets

Morelikedamnilton: she’s been found

Jdotlaw: where r u guys??

Morelikedamnilton: . . . She doesnt want to see u guys yet

Adotfightme: oh okay

Jdotlaw: if thats what she needs i cant really do anything different

Morelikedamnilton: she says thanks for understanding

* * *

 Maria sat curled up behind a chair in this odd little nook she found while waiting for Alex in the law library. She was currently sitting in a pile of blankets, tears staining her face, a messy, disheveled bun sitting on top of her head. Lizzie climbed in beside her, startled by Maria’s appearance. Her usually put together girlfriend was upset and Lizzie’s heart squeezed in sympathy.

“Maria, what happened love?”

“I don’t even understand. I just got so upset because Alex and John were arguing? But like not just in the chat they were sniping at each other in the library. And then John said “You’re not going **anywhere**.” and I guess it reminded me of James and I panicked.”

“Baby…” Maria barreled over Lizzie, continuing in a rush.

“And then Alex said, ‘You don’t own me’ and I remembered a really bad fight with James… It was during The Affair™ and I told him I was going to Hamilton’s, Alex’s. But it wasn’t a predetermined meeting so he told me that no, I wasn’t. So we said the same things and when I said “You don’t own me.” he _flipped_ and hit me so hard I had a bruise for a month. Later they’d discover he’d actually fractured my cheekbone.” Through more tears, Maria touched the spot and winced in pain.

“I saw Alex later and he said he was ending it. I was crushed. Not because of the sex, because that stopped as soon as he figured out I was being whored out by James. It was because my reprieve was being cut off because he felt guilty. But please never tell him that! He would be crushed because he fucked up either way.”

“Maria… We can’t keep this from John and Alex, that’s not healthy.” Lizzie pulled Maria closer as thick tears rolled down her face.

“I was happy not remembering… And now I do… If not everything, I remember the bruises and the breaks and the pain. I remember all of it. Lizzie, I hurt all over. _Everywhere._ I’ve not stopped crying because I feel like nothing, I feel like I don’t deserve you guys… I mean I ruined your marriage and yet you’re letting me be near Alex?”

“Maria, you know you were not the one who is at fault. You were being sold by your husband and then coerced into a three year relationship. Alex knows he fucked up. You mean everything to us. To me, to John, to Alex, to all of our friends. Yes, you were only connected by Alex last time around, but now you are in _all_ of our lives and we want you here. You’re funny and insightful and so smart… You contribute so much. We wouldn’t want anyone other than you to finish out our Polysquad™, okay?” Maria only nodded somewhat apathetically and Lizzie pulled her impossibly closer.

“We love you, whether you believe it or not,” she whispered into her girlfriend’s hair, blinking back tears of her own. Maria fell back asleep in Lizzie’s arms and Lizzie pulled out her phone to text everyone.

* * *

**Morelikedamnilton** renamed the chat Help Maria 2k16.

 **Morelikedamnilton** removed adotfightme and jdotlaw from the chat.

Lagayette: is she okay?

Tailorsoldierspy: why did u remove alex and john?

Morelikedamnilton: maria wants to tell them this on her own bc yknow its her SOs

Morelikedamnilton: but she told me i could tell u guys

Tomjemmings: is everything okay???

Morelikedamnilton: sort of not really?

Morelikedamnilton: alex and john’s arguments triggered some really bad memories and she’s struggling to work through all the extra emotions that come with it

Shotshotshot: what does she remember?

Morelikedamnilton: the abuse, mostly. she says it’s rather vivid ad that her entiere body hurts w remembered paiin

Angelsky: thats a bitch, man

Angelsky: tell her i love her

Tomjemmings: same

Tailorsoliderspy: same

Colderthancold: same

Shotshotshot: same

Lagayette: same

Doriburr: same

Mamjer: same

Morelikedamnilton: ok i will. I g2g though, maria needs love and cuddles

 **Morelikedamnilton** has left the chat. 

Angelsky: okay so yall remember alex after his breakdown

Tomjemmings: yes pls let’s never go back there

Lagayette: i agree that was bad

Mamjer: yes it was

Angelsky: anyway, the same goes for maria? Sshe still can be w alex alone, but she really doesnt nneed to be anymore

Shotshotshot: but u guys be careful w her, esp the guys, bc if she remmebers something new, she’s gonna be skittish

Tailorsoldierspy: i feel like were talking abt an animal??

Colderthancold: i mean people are technically animals s o

Mamjer: that was not the point of that

Lagayette: basically the rules are, be w her but dont touch her w/o permission give FROM her

Lagayette: right?

Angelsky: correct

Colderthancold: all those in favor of deleting this chat for maria’s sake say aye

Shotshotshot: aye

Mamjer: aye

Tomjemmings: (captain) aye

Lagayette: why

Lagayette: oui, though

Angelsky: aye of course

Tailorsoldierspy: aye

Doriburr: ofc it’s aye  
  
**Colderthancold** deleted chat.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, follow me on my writing blog writingatnight--runningoutoftime.tumblr.com


End file.
